My Story
Born in the year 1963 in the sign libra in Bremen, Northern Germany, I moved to Bavaria, Southern Germany at
the age of ten with my parents. At the age of 21 I went to London for a year where I strongly needed to go for unknown reasons.
Afterwards I took off to a trip around the world for 1 1/2 years in 1989. Returning I found a new job in the office straight
away as well as a new boyfriend with whom I moved in. That relationship was mainly consisting of pain but still, I stuck
to it. In the beginning of 1993 I lost my job as a bossī secretary, split with that boyfriend, got trouble with the landlady, someone
hit my car (a 2 CV - hurts even more...), I found a new but boring job, it was very hot... I got symptoms which my doctor thought
to result from blood pressure problems - dizziness, problems with the sight, tickling and numb sensations. The whole thing
kept on getting worse until I finally went to a neurological clinic with walking problems too, where I straight away got diagnosed
with MS.
To cut the whole story short, I try to point out only the main points:
The attacks
- 1st attack and diagnosis 1993: Dizziness, loss of balance, sensations,
loss of control right side (arm and leg), double-vision.
- 2nd attack February 1994: "drooping" mouth, dizziness, double-vision.
- 3rd attack May 1994: half-sided paralysation of eye and face,
numbness whole head, quickly moving eye other side.
- 4th attack June 1994: loss of motoric control left side, dizziness,
loss of balance, double-vision, didnīt recognize people on first sight,
heavy side-effects from cortizone.
- 5th attack February 1995: double-vision, bandage around chest, dizziness,
sensations.
- The Energy
- Autogenic Training 1993 Marianne-Strauß-Clinic near Munich: For the first time
in my life I did it and already felt in the first session how arms and legs
got heavy.
- First Yoga-course end 1993: Before and after the exercises we did relaxation and
I felt how good this was for body and soul.
- Seminar of the health insurace "Energy...Motion" beginning 1994: For the first time
I heard about the energy, the Qi and the meridians, that the Qi flows in. I rooted
myself mentally into the ground and two ladies, who before could lift me up easily,
were not able to move me an inch anymore. I thought: If this works, just because I
imagine it, I can also imagine to be healthy.
- I made up my own meditations. Got into a quiet state and let healing energy flow through
the body. I felt something flowing and warmth. I knew, that there was something there,
but couldnīt define it yet, prove it or use it for healing in a certain way.
- A friend brought me a tape into hospital with music of Kitaro. Lying there, desperate because
of the eye-paralisation, I meditated with that music in my ear and suddenly images of
the healing process appeared to me. Fairies, flying up the spine, eliminating sclerotic bits
with their magic sticks. A plane flying over the rice-field brain, spraying stuff. I felt
a kind of power inside which told me that Iīd make it.
- During the 5th attack someone gave me the telephone number of Master Li in Munich. I talked
to the secretary, wasnīt able though to do the appointment because I felt too bad.
I decided to take part at a week-long seminar. That was the point of return. I knew at once,
that Still Qi Gong, which is, what Master Li teaches, was my kind of practise. I have a
good sense of imagination and Iīm a bit lazy to move. I practised for 1 1/2 years the
exercises I had learned and afterwards attended a teacherīs course over 2 years. I did not
have any more attacks since then, but I realise, that health is not static. One has to
keep on keeping on. I still take seminars with Master Li and also started a teacherīs course
for Qi Gong with children this year.
- Psychosomatics
- The very first book I read about that was a book by Bernie Siegel. Even back then I realised,
that I did not just imagine it would be possible to influence the own state of health, but
that it really works. I read more books by O. Carl Simonton and Joan Borysenko abouth these things.
- Somebody gave to me the book "Fate as Chance" by Thorwald Dethlefsen. Afterwards I read
books by Ruediger Dahlke. The basic message for MS is: Find the hardness towards yourself
and eliminate it. MS-patients cannot get together the two poles in life, which everybody
has - the male and the female. They mainly live the male principles. To be quite honest,
I did not understand the whole thing straight away, but it is a possible way. I watched myself
and my patterns of behaviour to then change them gradually.
- Further steps in that direction were books about family positioning according to Bert Hellinger
or the broschures of a psychosomatic MS-institution in Berlin. Here e.g. I read for
the first time that MS-patients tend to be not too autonom. Based in their biography
they tend to give responsibility to either their parents, the partner or other close persons.
Itīs important to take over responsibility for oneself and for his own life. That this
is not so easy can be watched at "healthy" people who excuse their life circumstances
or their bad mood with other people and outer circumstances. An example also may be
alcoholics who drink because they have such a nasty wife or boss etc. There will always
reasons be found outside but if oneself wants to develop, he will always change himself,
not find excuses.
Dezember 2009